Beyond Memories
by SaNaBaby
Summary: Iruka breaks up with Kakashi, fearing that the public will look down upon the copy-nin. Heartbroken, Kakashi leaves for a mission, only to return injured. He wakes up without memories of Iruka, but why does his heart yearn for the beautiful teacher?
1. Chapter 1

**Bold – **Flashback

"_Italics"-_ Thoughts

Disclaimer- I own nothing besides the plot.

The brown haired man sat in the corner of the unlit room, his frail shoulders shaking, tears streaming down his tan cheeks. Was it regret that he felt? Iruka shook his head, no, he was not wrong. It was right to push _him_ away. What would people say if they knew that the famous copy-nin had a man, Iruka, as a lover?

"I cannot go back to him. I will tarnish his reputation, his status in Konoha." Iruka whispered, trying to reassure himself that his actions were right.

Iruka closed his eyes. Fragments from their fight months earlier flew into his mind. The look on Kakashi's eyes, his words, all was etched deeply inside Iruka's heart.

"**You hate being around me that much huh? Maybe I should just disappear from your life." The words had pierced through Iruka's heart. How could Iruka tell Kakashi that he was embarrassed, not for himself, but for the older man. A gay ninja would cause so much controversy and Kakashi was not just any ninja, he was a powerful and well known elite shinobi of Konoha. **

**The silence from Iruka hurt Kakashi more than any physical pain he had ever endured. "From today on, I will be out of your life. No one in Konoha will ever know of our relationship." Kakashi said, angry tears threatening to fall. He turned around and was gone in seconds. **

**Iruka had fallen to the floor, sobbing his heart out. Although in pain, he felt relief rush over him. Kakashi was now safe from society's criticism and he would find a beautiful wife and have wonderful children. Kakashi would live the life Iruka could never give him. **

**The next day Kakashi had taken an S-rank mission and was out of Konoha. Iruka was glad to not have to face the silver haired man. He wanted time to keep his love for Kakashi locked up and put away. 'When you love someone, you should want the best for them right? I can never give him the perfect life.' Iruka reminded himself. **

**But soon enough, Iruka began to worry. "What is taking Kakashi so long?""Is he safe?""Is he injured?Hurt?""Oh god, please don't let him be captured by the enemy." These thoughts had ran through Iruka's mind. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months and Iruka's worries increased.**

**He began to eat less and less and staying in more and more, locking himself inside the confines of his house. His once healthy build was gone, replaced with an alarming thin and frail body. The lack of sunshine he received turned Iruka's trademark tan skin into an unrecognizable pale complexion. **

**Friends began to worry but Iruka brushed them off. Many times did Naruto come bursting through Iruka's doors demanding that the academy teacher come out to enjoy the sunshine, only to have Iruka reject softly. **

Iruka snapped his head up. His instincts told him he was not alone in his house. Iruka quickly wiped away his tears and stood up. Quietly and swiftly, Iruka moved towards the presence. Iruka frowned. The intruder's chakra felt so familiar, so intimate. Then it struck Iruka and he raced down the hallway, not caring that he knocked over a coffee table or breaking a vase along the way.

Iruka froze upon reaching his living room. 'It's him. It's really him'.

Kakashi stood in the middle of Iruka's living room, haboring an odd posture. "…Ruka." The copy-nin whispered before staggering forward.

Iruka snapped out of his trance and raced forward to catch the falling man, struggling. The months of not eating really took a toll on his strength. 'He's hurt. He's hurt. He's hurt.' Iruka repeated frantically in his mind. 'Blood. Blood. Blood. Kakashi's blood.' Iruka examined Kakashi, trying to find the source of all the blood. His hand rested upon Kakashi's head and felt the unnaturally soft spot, Kakashi's wince confirmed it.

"Kakashi, you baka. Why didn't you head straight to the hospital or Tsunade?" Iruka said trying to maneuver the larger man so that he could transport them into the hospital.

"Iruka….I-I can't…..I c-can't do i-it…I can't l-leave you-" Kakashi muttered in Iruka's ear.

Iruka bit his lip, his heart aching.

The door opened and Iruka jumped up from his seat, latching onto Tsunade's arm, "Is he alright? Nothing's seriously injured right? Right?" Iruka desperately asked.

"Kakashi's alright bu-" That was all Tsunade managed to say before Iruka rushed passed the Hokage into the room, forgetting all manners he usually showed before Tsunade.

Kakashi sat on the bed in the all white room, excluding the bandages wrapped around his head, he looked fine and relief washed over Iruka. He slowly approached Kakashi, his hand reaching out to touch the tightly wrapped bandages.

"Iru-" Before Kakashi could say anything, Iruka pulled the injured man into a tight embrace, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm so glad you're ok."

Moments passed before anyone spoke up. "Iruka sensei, not that I'm complaining, but what triggerred this lovely adoration you have towards me?" Kakashi asks with a hint of amusement and tease in his voice before placing an arm around the chuunin.

Iruka sensei? Sensei? Kakashi stopped with the formalities a week after they started dating. Iruka released Kakashi and looked into the other man's eyes. These weren't the eyes Kakashi used to look at Iruka with. The intimacy and love in them were gone. "Kakashi…?" Iruka breathed, utterly confused.

Tsunade took that moment to enter the room, irritation apparent in her forever young face. "Iruka sensei, you didn't let me finish talking." She said before ushering Iruka out the door and closing it.

"Hokage sama, Kakashi doesn-" Iruka began but Tsunade stopped him. "I know."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He was hit beheind the head, fracturing his skull and injuring the part of his cerebrum that controlled his memory. In short, Kakashi is suffering from memory loss. He believes we are livng in 2010 right now. He has no memory of the past year."

Iruka inhaled sharply. Memory loss? "Will he be able to regain his memory?" Iruka managed to ask.

"With the damage I can see, I doubt Kakashi is able to. He's very lucky to only have memory loss, a little more to the right and he would be paralyzed."

"I still need to read over his mission report. Don't stay too long. Kakashi needs a lot of rest." Tsunade said before heading towards the exit.

Iruka could only nod, speechless.

'_Kakashi has no memory of our time doesn't remember me. He doesn't remember us.'_ Iruka laughed bitterly. '_This is what I wanted, wasn't it? Without remembering anything, Kakashi would be able to continue his life the way it should happen.'_

First time writing, please don't be too harsh. ^^


	2. Chapter 2

I know it's a little short, but I promise the next chapter would be a bit longer.

xXOXx

It has been two weeks since Kakashi returned. Two weeks of avoiding and feigning disinterest in everything Kakashi related. Teaching at the academy and his students are the only things keeping Iruka from checking up on the jounin, thus he stayed in his classroom beyond school hours, burying his mind into grading papers and planning future lessons. Only when it was late into the night did Iruka retire to his house, too tired to do anything else besides sleep.

Iruka glanced at his wrist watch, 7:05, still too early to pack up for home.

The teacher layed back into the chair, letting the day's work take its toll on his tired body. Rubbing his temples, Iruka straightened himself up, ready to finish preparing for a lesson 3 months into the future. A knock was heard on the door.

Iruka gave a small, strained smile. "When do you ever knock, Raidou?"

The door opened moments later and said man walked in.

"What brings you here?" Iruka asked, looking up at his long time friend. How many days has it been since they last saw each other? A month? Two months? Iruka couldn't remember.

"Tsunade sama calls for you."

"Right now? At this time?" Iruka questioned.

"Yeah, seems kinda urgent."

Iruka nodded and stood up, gathering his things and putting papers back into their place. Before he was able to pass through the door, a hand was placed on his shoulder, stopping him from leaving.

Iruka turned to look at his friend, confused.

"When you get back, we need to talk. I'm worried about you. In fact, everyone that knows you is worried about you." Raidou whispers.

"I'm fine, really I am." Iruka insisted.

The palm on his shoulder tightened, "You are not fine. Everyone can see the change in your physical health aside from your personality. We miss the hot tempered, yet caring and passionate teacher. Please let us help you in whatever you're going through." Raidou spoke softly.

"I'm not going through any-"

"Please."

Iruka's heart broke at his friend's pleading tone and he nodded weakly.

oOo

"You called for me?" Iruka asked, sitting down in front of Tsunade.

"Iruka, I need you to go on a mission."

"A mission?" Iruka was not sent on missions often, almost none after he had became a teacher.

"Yes, I need you to help escort a little girl back to her hometown." Tsunade knew Iruka was great with children and she wanted the best of the best escorting the important young child. "A jounin would be going along with you." She added.

"Who is this girl?"

"The girl, Sachi, is the only child of a powerful businessman in the neighboring town. He controls many of the town's facilities. If anything happens to her, the ties between Konoha and them would be severely damaged and I can't afford that to happen. Iruka, I trust your skills with children and I hope nothing falls upon the child. She shall not sustain any injuries or trauma."

Iruka nodded in understanding, "When do we leave?"

"In an hour. Now go home and pack. The mission should take about a week. They will meet you at the gates." Tsunade ordered before shooing Iruka off and reaching into a cabinet for what Iruka was sure to be a bottle of sake.

oOo

The sky was pitch black by the time Iruka neared the gates. From afar, Iruka could see two figures leaning against the gates, one of a young child, no older than 5 or 6, and the other a grown man. 'He must be the jounin.' Iruka thought to himself.

As Iruka got closer and the two people became more focused, dread filled the chunin. 'No, no, no'. The tall, lanky figure, the pale and untamed hair, all was too familiar for Iruka.

"Kakashi." Iruka muttered to himself.

Iruka swore that the Gods were against him. Did he do anything wrong his previous life? Why is Kakashi assigned to this mission?

"Iruka sensei. I'm delighted to have you as my company." Kakashi said extending his hand. Iruka took this moment to assess the copy-nin's physique. 'The injuries seem to be healing quite well.' He concluded.

Iruka chose to ignore the outstretched palm, hoping that Kakashi will take the hint and remain distanced from Iruka. "Hatake san." Iruka nodded in greeting before shifting his eyes away from the older man and onto the little girl.

Iruka knelt down to the little girl's height, "You must be Sachi?"

The small head nodded up and down enthusiactically. Sachi was a little chubby, the baby fat still very much apparent. She had two short pigtails that curled around her round cheeks while a permanent blush adorned them. She was adorable. Iruka smiled at the girl, "My name is Iruka Umino. You can call me Iruka sensei."

Sachi grinned cheerfully before taking Iruka's hands into her smaller ones. "Let's go Ruka sensei."

Iruka smiled and stroke the child's cheek before standing up. The teacher straightened himself only to be pulled ahead by the young child. Innocent giggles were heard in the silent forest as the trio trudged down the path leading away from Konoha.

Iruka glanced over his shoulder to find Kakashi close behind, a glint of amusement in his only visible eye.

oOo

The campfire was growing dimmer and dimmer and the soft snoring from Sachi, who was nestled on Iruka's chest, was luring the teacher to sleep. Despite the temptation, Iruka couldn't sleep. His subconscious mind was well aware of the pair of eyes that had been set on observing the teacher.

Kakashi sat on the other side of the forest clearing, far awar from Iruka and Sachi, but still closely watching the pair's every movement. Every little disturbance to the surroundings was taken into account by the jounin.

It is quite an understatement to say that Kakashi is fascinated by the Iruka. There was something about the teacher that attracted Kakashi.

Soft chestnut colored hair falling over tanned shoulders, brown eyes hazed with lust, narrow waist and an arched back sprawled out, ready to be ravished. These images haunted the copy-nin's mind ever since he woke up from the hospital. Kakashi swore he had never seen Iruka without his hair tied up, yet the images were so vivid, so real.

This intrigued Kakashi and he wanted to learn more about the chunin, felt that he needed, no, should know everything about Iruka.

Iruka shifted in his seat, his right arm growing numb from Sachi's weight. The child stirred in her sleep and Iruka quickly rubbed soothing circles on the small back. Wouldn't it make more sense to send them on the mission in the early morning, when everyone had a good night's rest? Sometimes Iruka couldn't understand the hokage's thinking.

The night has been better than Iruka had imagined. After their brief greeting, Kakashi had chosen to keep his distance, rarely speaking to Iruka at all, and Iruka was fine with that. Iruka wanted to keep contact with the jounin at the minimum, hoping that the touch, the feel, and the voice of Kakashi would soon fade and be forgotton.

Iruka's train of thoughts was broken and his body tensed up. There were multiple unknown chakras heading their way.

Before Iruka was able to react, he and Sachi was gathered into the powerful arms of Kakashi and effortlessly lifted into the air. In the blink of an eye, Iruka was now seated high up in the trees, covered by layers of thick branches. Sachi sat on his lap, and a protective wall of chakra was placed around the pair, and at the same time covering any traces of Iruka's own chakra.

"Stay." Was all Kakashi said before disappearing from Iruka's sight.

xXOXx

Sorry if Iruka seems so defenseless in this story. I just love the whole typical helpless, help-me-I'm-a-uke thing.

Thank you for the supportive comments. Glad people didn't find the writing horrendous or anything.

till next time. ^^


	3. Chapter 3

Iruka's heart clenched at the sounds of Kakashi's pain filled screams. He wanted to do something, to do anything, but Iruka knew he wouldn't be of much help. His best choice was to stay out of Kakashi's way and care for the little girl in his arms. Iruka had faith in Kakashi, and he prayed with every being that his faith wouldn't dissappoint him. Kakashi would protect them from whoever brought danger.

'_Kakashi is Konoha's strongest and brightest. He won't be injured.'_

'_But he's greatly outnumbered. Even the best could not survive.'_

Iruka's mind was in a battle with itself, the rational side constantly tearing down any hope.

The clenching of his uniform shirt drifted Iruka's eyes down to Sachi. The poor child was shooken up with fear, tears beginning to form in her round eyes. "W-why are t-they f-fighting?" she whispered.

Iruka hugged her tighter and gently muttered, "T-there are some mean people here and Ka- Hatake san is trying to stop them from doing bad things."

Sachi nodded as if she understood the situation. "Will the masked man be ok?"

Iruka nodded in return. "He'll be fine. He always is."

God, Iruka hoped he was right.

oOo

The sounds of fighting ceased to silence and Iruka held his breath, listening for any signs of danger and searching for that familiar chakra. The branches shook before Kakashi emerged from its depth. Iruka exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Cover the child's eyes" Kakashi murmered. Iruka instantly reached over and placed his palm across Sachi's eyes. The child whimpered and put her small hands over Iruka's, trying her best to secure them, as if she knew a terrible ordeal was ahead. Kakashi swiftly scooped up the pair before descending from the trees and placing Iruka and Sachi on the ground.

Iruka gasped and his free hand flew to cover his quivering lips.

Blood. Blood and dismembered bodies. Everywhere he looked, there was blood splashed across the surface along with bits and pieces of human body parts scattered about. Heads, fingers, livers, intestines were strewn across the forest floor. In the corner of his eyes, Iruka could see the only still intact body of a person, but so battered and burnt was it that Iruka could not make out the gender.

Iruka wanted to puke. In his years of being a ninja, never was he subjected to such a sight.

Is this the result of Kakashi's doing? The man who held Iruka close, whispering sweet nothings into his ears during nights of horrendous nightmares, the man who gently caressed Iruka's skin as if it were made of delicate porcelain, the man who childishly pleads for affection, is capable of this?

Suddenly, Iruka's sight was blocked off and he was brought into protective arms. "You should cover your eyes also." Kakashi muttered into Iruka's ears.

Too shocked from the gruesome sight, Iruka couldn't do anything else beside nod, his face buried in the comfort of Kakashi's chest.

oOo

"…..sensei." Kakashi breathed into Iruka's ear. The brunette shuddered at the intimacy of the action before opening his eyes. Iruka diverted his attention away from Kakashi's gaze and onto their little charge.

"You okay?" Iruka asked gently. The small girl nodded while rubbing her eyes pitifully. His doting side wanted to reach out and comfort Sachi, but arms held the teacher back as he tried to take a step toward the young child.

Iruka glanced down and realized the current position he was in. A slight blush drew across his smooth cheeks as he spoke, "H-Hatake san, you can let go."

Silence.

"Hatake san?"

"….. can't." Kakashi strained to say before Iruka felt the weight of Kakashi's body draping on his back, hands clinging to the brunette's waist. Iruka turned around just in time to have Kakashi fall limply into his arms.

"Kakashi? Kakashi? Kakashi!" Iruka called out frantically. His eyes drifted down Kakashi's body and rested on the large cut in the jounin's uniform. Dark, red blood seeped through the opening and Iruka lifted up the piece of clothing. Iruka inhaled. There was a deep gash running across Kakashi's stomach, from one side to the other. Iruka cursed at himself. Why hadn't he notice the injury? Why hadn't he felt the red liquid soaking his back?

'_Kakashi, you baka! You don't have to play hero.' _Iruka cried inside before lying Kakashi's body on the ground.

The teacher scrambled to where Sachi stood and pulled out a piece of cloth. "Can you be a good girl?"

The crying child nodded her head, unable to speak.

"I'm going to tie this around your eyes and then I want you to try and sleep okay?"

Another nod.

Iruka picked the girl up and laid her on a pile of leaves. "Sleep." Iruka said before hurrying back to Kakashi.

Iruka pulled out the first aid kit and knelt on the floor. "Kakashi, you're bleeding too much. I'm going to have to stitch you up." The jounin gave a little nod.

Iruka disinfected the needle and wiped the caked blood off of Kakashi's stomach. The slight pressure on Kakashi's wound made the copy-nin roll his head back in pain.

The chunin steadied his hand and firmly pressed the needle into the cut and began the painful patching.

oOo

Iruka stroked the sleeping man's face. It was early morning, still too early for the sun to be out.

As Iruka stared at the night sky, he wanted to cry out in frustration. Why can't the Gods above make things easier for him? Why can't they keep Kakashi away? Why didn't Tsunade assign a different person? Why couldn't Iruka himself be indifferent to the other? Why can't he stop loving the silver haired man?

Iruka's fingers traced the defined jawline of Kakashi and moved to the man's straight and perfect nose, down to the thin lips. Not many people have been able to see the jounin's face. Many theories sprouted throughout the years, some stating the reason for Kakashi's mask to be because of a horrendous face deformity, while others claim that Kakashi's face is too beautiful to be shown. Iruka shook his head slightly at the silly rumors he once heard. Kakashi does not have a face deformity, nor is his features feminine in any way to be called beautiful. The man was handsome beyond words. The scar running down his eye gave him an animalistic appearance, and if possible, made him even more attractive than he already was.

"The kunoichi population would go crazy if they catch a glimpse of this face." Iruka whispered to no one in particular.

"….Thanks sensei." Came a hoarse reply.

Iruka gasped in surprise and retracted his hand from Kakashi's cheek. Iruka tried to fight down the blush he knew was beginning to form when he remembered Kakashi's injury. "Are you feeling better? Do you want some food? Water?"

"Some water would be great." Kakashi replied as Iruka helped the taller man sit up and lean against a tree.

"You should still be resting. You've only had 2 or 3 hours of sleep." Iruka muttered, handing Kakashi a cup of water.

"And you've had none."

"Ka- Hatake san, I'm not the one injured."

Kakashi frowned at the change of formality. "Sensei, you're less formal when I'm injured." Kakashi said, remembering the use of his first name by the academy teacher when he had fallen into the smaller man.

"You must be mistaken Hatake san." Iruka tried to deny any sign of familiarity between the two.

"Should I get injured again to prove my point?" Kakashi said before grunting in pain.

Iruka winced. "You shouldn't joke about getting hurt." _'I'll feel the pain too.'_

Kakashi gazed at Iruka, the statement earlier seemed to harbor a different meaning, but he couldn't explain how. The jounin observed the academy teacher, frowning evertime he noticed a difference in the other's appearance.

"You've become alot fairer than what I remembered."

Iruka snapped his head towards the injured jounin, "Excuse me?"

"Well, I don't remember you being so…..pale." Kakashi said with a small smile at Iruka's flustered state.

"I haven't been out much."

"And why is that?"

Because I have been worried sick about your well being? "I don't believe it concerns you Hatake san."

Kakashi closed his eyes and slumped against the tree, a grin on his face. Iruka was definitely interesting. "Sensei, fill me in on what happened this past year, that according to Tsunade, I had forgotten."

Iruka hesitated, he had already spoken to Kakashi more than he would like. "Well after the village calmed down from learning of his return, Sasuke began his 3 months of house arrest followed by 3 months of D rank missions. Tsunade argued that the Uchiha heir was let off too easy, but the council countered that Sasuke was the last of the Uchiha clan and should be given lienency."

"How'd Naruto take everything?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka couldn't help but smile at the fond memories he remembered. "Naruto was quick to forgive Sasuke. A few months after his probation, the entire village watched on as Sasuke beat up Kiba for supposedly inappropriately touching 'his dobe' and then proceeded to pull Naruto in for a kiss."

Kakashi laughed, the light laughter Iruka haven't heard in awhile.

Iruka looked stood up abruptly, becoming uneasy at how comfortable talking with the jounin was. "I'm going to go check up on Sachi. You should sleep Hatake san."

"Iruka sensei, were you frightened by me today?"

Iruka froze and turned around to find Kakashi with a face void of any expression, the opposite of his easy laughter just moments ago. Iruka could see the anxiety in Kakashi's eyes. "Do I have a reason to be?"

"Were you not frightened by the mutilated bodies? The deaths, all caused by my hands?"

"It was your job, Hatake san. Your purpose was to protect us."

"But I could have done it in a less gruesome way. I could have spared them the agony."

"Hatake s-"

"I lost control Iruka. I went on a killing frenzy. My mind was blurred by the thought of them threatening Sachi's and more importantly, your safety. The thought of any of those filthy rogue nins laying a hand on you drove me insane. I can't explain the feeling I felt. I ripped up everything in my path. Iruka, you must think I'm a monster." Kakashi said, gripping his hair and ignoring the pain that shot up his body from the sudden movement.

Iruka's heart clenched. A sense of déjà vu washed over him. He could remember this very scene that played out half a year ago.

**Iruka was humming the tune of a lullaby his mother used to sing to him as he prepared dinner. Iruka was so focused on cooking that he had not noticed the new presence in the cozy kitchen until he turned around to set the table.**

"**Kashi?" Iruka had whispered before running into the taller man's arms, not caring whether or not the other was covered in dirt.**

"**Kakashi, why didn't you speak up as soon as you were home?" Iruka muttered, cupping the anbu's cheek before pulling the man down for a kiss. "I missed you." It was true. Although the mission only took 3 days, Iruka still missed the jounin like crazy.**

"**Kashi, honey, what's wrong?" Iruka asked, noticing the oddly unresponsive Kakashi.**

"**Iruka, I killed an entire family." Kakashi muttered before dropping to the floor.**

"**Kashi, what happened?" Iruka asked softly, kneeling in front of the crestfallen man.**

"**T-they were taken hostage. The f-father was blind, his wife was p-pregnant and they had two little boys. I-I had to make a choice as the leader. I couldn't let the Akatsuki member g-go. Iruka, you must think I'm a monster. I could have rescued 5 lives but I chose not too." Kakashi said, the images of the family being slashed to death replayed in his mind.**

**Iruka lifted Kakashi's chin up, "Kakashi, don't ever call yourself a monster. You're a hero, one that makes sacrifices for the better. The man would have murdered many more lives if you had let him escape."**

**Kakashi had wrapped his arms around Iruka and pulled the younger man into his lap, burying his face into Iruka's shoulder.**

**Minutes? Hours? Iruka couldn't tell how long they had stayed like that, one embracing the other. **

**The silence was not broken until Kakashi muttered one desperate sentence.**

"**Don't ever leave me."**

How was Iruka to react now? Unconsciously, Iruka's hand reached over to Kakashi, slightly touching the older man's cheek. "You're not a monster." Iruka whispered.

Kakashi met the teacher's eyes and his hand covered Iruka's smaller ones. "Iru-"

Iruka snapped out of his daze and yanked his hand out of Kakashi's grasp, interrupting the man. How could he let them become so close.

"I-I….Goodnight Hatake san." Iruka said before walking away.

xXOXx

Sorry for yet another late update. My laptop broke down for a week and then I got distracted by a couple of movies.

Cheers to returning readers, you know who you are!


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